Do you ever have those periods of life where you’re just going and going, and you feel like you’re just flinging yourself around by the seat of your pants?
I get like that every so often, and this year has been a big one for it. I’ve always been incredibly hard on myself, so re-learning how to balance my time (or rather not mastering it immediately) tends to give my psyche a field day lately. That and a lot of other little frustrations roll up into a big ball of negative energy that feels like it’s ready to stomp my head in some days. My to do list makes me stand like a deer trying to cross a highway with a car barreling at it driven by the fastest maniac possible.
And then the universe reminds me that I have options and it’s time to take a breath and stop freezing and move on. I’ve joked a lot about how certain songs follow me until I get the message . ‘Let it Be’ stalked me repeatedly for like two years at one point – in muzak, on the radio, on mix cds people gave me, on stuff I saw at random stores that had no business having Beatles merch in them…
Earlier this year when I was really frustrated with myself Katy Perry’s Firework played all the time on the radio and muzak where I worked. I attributed this to the tastes of the area until one day when I was irritable and made the stupid mistake of growling at the universe “well what the hell am I SUPPOSED to think about me!?”
I kid you not, not five minutes later I walked around the corner and nearly ran into a marching band playing Firework.
Apparently the ruler of the universe is a DJ and has a sick sense of humor.
I’ve also mentioned (and I’ve got to do a post on this later) how Nikki Sixx’s book This is Gonna Hurt is a huge influence on me. And while I appreciate his insight, this book has the damndest habit of opening to the page that I need to kick sense into me at any given time. Same with his fb page – he’ll post some really insightful things….right when I need to be put in check or need to keep things in mind.
While this is helpful, this is also really annoying. I mean I get over it and appreciate the life help, but I will admit that there are more than a few times I’ve growled some choice things under my breath.
Today’s life message, though, is all my own. I was working on my laptop a few days ago, fretting about some things, over-thinking about some others, when the battery icon started blinking. Like most people, I ignore this until the last possible minute, because I hate digging for my cord. I know, first world problems.
Anyway, I get a message when I absolutely need to do something or have my laptop turned into a paperweight, and for the first time I really read the message and was flummoxed:
Plug in or find another power source.
Is it really that easy? Is it really about finding something to re-orient myself with, plugging myself back into what made me passionate about my work in the first place? Letting myself get intrigued and excited about ideas? Can I really choose where I draw my energy from, what I focus on? Is it that simple (and that difficult to let go and re-align)? Can I really function without something to worry about? Does my laptop really have a better handle on what I need than I do?
Time will tell, but this is definitely a message I needed right at this moment. I’m working on adapting my schedule a little at a time, taking a deep breath, and plunging on to the next thing.
Funny how that happens.