I’ve been trying to get back on a schedule and get back on top of things this week. I’m learning that there’s always something new to learn about writing, promoting, and all that comes with it. And while I’m enjoying the hell out of myself, there’s also a definite part of me that’s scared to death. All this strange new territory – what if I go about all this wrong? What if I don’t do enough? What if I blow up the internet? As you can imagine, my subconscious and I must have words every so often.
I took a break from the self-deprecation the other night to go to one of my new interests, a class geared to women that combines self-defense with martial arts conditioning. After being away for a bout a month because of my work schedule I knew it was going to be a little rough, but yow. I love it, though. I love getting to be physical and feeling like I’m accomplishing something. Because I’m often teamed up with one of the black belts from the school, not only am I challenged but I feel insanely proud of myself when I manage to break a hold or toss someone off of me. And once I learn one maneuver, it’s on to the next — no rest for the wicked!
But I had an epiphany last night. I’d been working on some holds that I was unfamiliar with and innocently asked what happens if it doesn’t work the first time? The answer is so simple I can’t believe it didn’t occur to me: you keep going. Repeat, repeat, repeat and give it all you’ve got. I’ve gotten used to seeing action movies where everything is choreographed and goes right the first time, it never occurred to me that that doesn’t happen in the real world.
And it’s a hell of a metaphor, isn’t it? In a world where we’re bombarded with the success of Stephanie Meyer and J.K. Rowling and others, I never really stopped to think about all the work that goes into it if one isn’t on that level – or even at that level. I’m going to do some things more brilliantly than others, to be sure. Things will happen in their own time. But there’s no reason to discourage myself out of doing what I love. I’ve just gotta keep going and repeat, repeat, and give it everything I’ve got.
And in the meantime I might go take a couple of Advil…